Long overdue

I have not gotten to posting in a long time. To be honest, so many times I thought about what I was going to write and the topics were just too depressing. I decided that I had to be in a better place to write….

So here I am, not in a perfect place but the sun was shining today. Mud season is here and signs of Spring abound. I was able to finally get some long overdue cleaning done in my house recently. I keep putting off things that I need to do for my own mental clarity, including this blog. Cleaning and organizing used to be something I loved to do, heck I was excited at the opportunity to organize a corporate office move of a 75 person office back in the 2000’s.

Somehow Covid really shifted things for me. Too often I was so tired by the end of the day that piles just stacked up. I think that some is the exhaustion that I face with Lyme at times but I also think that Covid led to such mental exhaustion. “Home schooling,” food pantry efforts and farm coverage kept me very busy.

I realize that the embarrassment of my house kept me and keeps me from wanting people inside the house. I have never had that before until this house. While not as old as my childhood home, we live in an old house, a very old house that was moved from the center of town, piece by piece and then reconstructed in the current location in 1895. Nothing is level and I haven’t finished painting projects. There are no closets or decent storage and we don’t have a garage like we did when we lived in Natick. So without storage, just the farm footwear alone is overwhelming. Add to that pile all of my apartment repair tools, paint supplies and door knobs. Tax season is also a blur of papers.

I have finally attacked the piles. While some piles have returned (due to Dan the mailman),  the progress made helps me to breathe a little easier. I think the improvement is a motivator to get more done. Clearly, my house reflects our busy life but also the chaos and stressors.

I remember back in the 90’s my eldest sister took us to see a comedienne and stress expert, Lorretta LaRoche. To this day, I remember how hard I laughed at her reminding all of us that we have dishes and if we are so upset by them when company is coming to “just throw them in the trunk of the car.” She reminded me that we all live in our houses and we all actually use the kitchens. But at the time, I didn’t have kids and this message is even more pertinent now than when I first heard her. Her big message is “Life is not a stress rehearsal!” which really has so many layers to consider. She helps us think about turning stress into strength. I really need to go back and read her books or watch her PBS specials. But in the meantime, I have some really wonderful people in my life.

A sweet friend made a pact with me that she wouldn’t judge me if I didn’t judge her and we would just accept each others’ homes as they were. Another long time friend gently told me to stop apologizing after I apologized several times for not finishing cleaning before she arrived. She ever so kindly reminded me she was there to visit with me and didn’t care about the piles of bookwork or whatever was left about. She didn’t even care about the dog hair! We all need more friends like this but honestly, two is pretty great!

I have a wonderful partner in crime that does more than his share in the kitchen and has a remarkable relationship with the dishwasher. For that I am ever so grateful. He even intimately knows the vacuum and changes the filter. But there is still a built in feeling as a female that I am supposed to be able to do it all and keep the house ready for a photo shoot.  

When I really reflect, I think those who would likely judge my cleaning skills probably don’t fully understand how full each and every day is for me. How little we really know about each others’ lives. I just need to learn to not care so much what others think and know that the pictures on social media and HGTV are not always reality, especially with kids in the house. I think the message today is to surround myself with the caring friends and family that don’t judge what the house looks like AND to take the time to enter back into social world now that Covid is a little less scary (this week). That is definitely a topic for another blog post!